Did any of you experience this? He's not willing to work on improving our communication. I just thought he was crazy about me. No question that my husband and I had had to learn to adjust to each other after we first married. Most are miserable, or struggling. It is not an unreasonable request. But hyperfocus ends — always — and the relationship looks quite different afterwards. Please mind your wording -- and separate the objective and subjective before you project your spouses' bad behavior onto me.
I have now begun to seek counseling for us. A second mortagage and a depressed real estate market made selling a losing propisition. The third job in that area he was eventually forced out before he was fired. Another recurrent theme I hear from adults I work with is that they have trouble trusting themselves. But as things progressed, and it was time to make dreams into reality, I drew back and avoided. I continue to attempt to express my exhaustion with our lack of ability to communicate effectively and resolve conflict in a positive manner.
Mentally, they go right back to elementary school, feeling confused and embarrassed as they're punished yet again. I question him for clarity for me and he becomes upset. My hubby has been treated for years. I guess that is the main starting point in changing to realise that it is patterns and behavior that can be changed. I guess this is what i needed to hear.
I am not the kind of person who just loves someone when love feels good. Overall our relationship is good, we have a very strong connection wich he ruins from time to time with his angry outburst after which he usually shuts down. Alas, I've not been so good with that myself, even now, but all of the comments here have really brought home to me how devasating it is to feel in the dark and unsure about having a true partner commited to a shared future. Ironically, just the way he was treated by his school teacher mother when he complained that being chased around the house with a belt did not teach him a thing or help him! In fact, it can be even better than that — a deeper, more mature and profound connection — if you choose to make the effort. I have to agree with Melissa, and commend your decision, although begrudgingly as I feel a bit insecure and defensive about my position in my own relationship. He says he know his demons and that he already improved a lot.
I love him unconditionally, but it is really nice to love him and not be hurt beyond all I can imagine by him at the same time. Every comment, disappointment, or difference of opinion does not have to turn your home into a battlefield. I guess I've thought that to make her feel secure I should never appear less than strong and competent, and not admit that sometimes I get tripped up and have trouble meeting my deadlines, and don't let her know about problems until its far too late and she's totally taken unaware and has crushed expectations. My recently wed husband and I lived together for 5 years, and I think if we hadn't we would have quickly gotten divorced. I don't cheat, abuse or go bankrupt. He always doubted me loving him but in fact I am just giving him unconditional love, but he never appreciate that and I only received resentment. We recognized that we had different strengths and weaknesses, but we also understood that these were part of the attractions we had for each other.
. He quit his first job within months of our marriage because he was bored. Not someone's personal experience translated as truth. I have realised that the work:pay ratio in my workplace is skewed. He has to want it, he has to acknowledge there even is an issue.
It is really easy to be critical of those who complain. My boyfriend of 5 years and friend of 20 years just asked me to marry him. If you are willing and ready to strengthen the rope that holds you and your spouse together, you will bring back the warm, cozy feeling you had when you first met. In my experience, practical encouragement, practical suggestions, are usually of greater benefit than censure or put-downs or preaching. We can never just talk it out.
I have no one else to talk to about this, no one I know understands it. I have lost myself and my life for my partner. The fact that it also includes a personal story does not erase the sweeping insults. I am very touched by the couples from years before that have returned to tell their stories of healing to those currently struggling. I am completely exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually now.
This can lead to the development of a negative and usually distorted self-image. My girlfriend seems to understand this and will often attempt to lighten the load when she can. Life will tell in the end, but for now, the best thing for me is to get out of this. I am a spouse of an adhd person who has been married for 28 years. It focuses on a personal experience. When you ask the question about whether or not he knows he can live with someone you his response was an honest one - he genuinely doesn't know, and doesn't sound like he has any experience with it, either. Unfortuantely this has become more a cathartic retelling than a comment.